Michael Patrick O'hara

I sit here
In the dark
as i wait for you
going over the events of the past few weeks
envisioning your smile
longing for your touch
knowing that you too long for mine
but it does not make sense
none of it does
as you tell me that i wont undertand
and you are right
i wont
i dont understand how so many months of
love
and openiness
and acceptance
can be thrown away
no explaination or excuses
not even a sign
and i am left here
alone
by myself
without you
to face the world yet again
on my own
with out you
trying to fogure out what could i have said or done
that drove you to abandon me
although you assure me
that your decision
YOUR decision
had nothing to do with what i am or what i am not
and it kills me to think
that you yourself may be grieved by this sudden turn of events
and i wonder what may have happened to you
or your friends
or your family
that could have driven you to such a drastic action
because this does not seem like you
i was not expecting this
anyone but you
any other person BUT you
would i have attributed such a selfish
thoughtless
hurtful act
but not from you
and still
even as my heart hurts
and my soul pours unto the emptiness and harshness of realty
and even as the tears come slow but thick
and even as the sadness covers me like a thick blanket of desperation
i cannot help but love you
i cannot help but wait for you
i cannot help but hope that one day you will find me again
and maybe this time
i will be beautifull enough
intelligent enough
loving enough
to make you stay

I Write Because it Keeps Me Sane

In a world

Where everything we say is criticised

And where everything we do is scorned

It is a miracle

That such a thing as love

Can exist

Too many days are marked

By blood, hate and anger

Too few people know of happiness

Mothers who are unable to cope

Fathers who are unwilling to care

Too many children hunger

For love, acceptance and a family

Where do I belong?

My voice is but a whisper in the night

Who am I to you?

Why must I fight for my voice to be heard?

Why must we fight to be noticed?

Why must we compete for love?

And so I write...

Because it keeps me sane

And I write...

Because it keeps me happy

And I write...

Because when I need someone to listen

And there's noone there...

I listen to myself...

Feelings

If Only
You can feel
What I feel
When I feel
What I feel
When I feel
What I feel
When I am with you
You will feel confused
Now
Does that even make sense
Or are you just going to continue to pretend
That what I feel does not even matter
And don’t even try to deny
That I can’t even get you to look past me
Because, in fact, you look right through me
With eyes
That aren’t even man enough
That don't even have the balls enough
To admit that you are incapable of loving anyone
But yourself
Especially me
Because at least, you play with them
But who would I rather be
Your play thing
Or the woman looking in
Fully aware of where you stand
Allergic to your crap
But still
The thought crosses my mind
Because I believe that what I feel for you
Is True Love
Because I accept you for who you truly are
A man incapable of loving anyone
Especially yourself
But
If Only
You can feel
What I feel
When I feel
What I feel
When I feel
What I feel
When I am with you
You will feel that I have more than enough love
To love you
Enough for the both of us
Enough to love everyone whom you never loved
Meaningless words
Empty gazes
Silly phrases
Two hundred and ninety-two days of agonizing pain
Watching you
As you watch her
Watching you
Watching her
The way that i long for you to watch me
Because
If Only
You can feel
What I feel
When I feel
What I feel
When I feel
What I feel
When I am with you
You will feel like a fool
A damn fool
A.K.A. a hopeless romantic
But I am only hopelessly romantic for you
Capable of putting up with your crap
Incapable of walking away
Afraid to look you in the eyes
Because I know that inside
There will never be room for me in your life
And
If Only
If... Only
You can feel
What I feel
When I feel
What I feel
When I feel
What I feel
When I am with you
You will feel that it is time to grow up
Time to wipe the tears from your eyes
Time to love me
More than you can ever love me
More that I can ever love you
Because
If you can't even look past me
How can you see me
To love me...

Love

You
Are unlike anything
That I have ever experienced
Like the sun
I feel your sweet words
So carefully chosen and manipulated
Strung together by the threads of time
Soft...
Like I imagine your thin lips to be
Sweet...
Like the taste of your skin upon my lips
Simple...
Yet complex in the messages that they convey
Each day
I arise to the thought of you
Filled with hope, lust and bewilderment
How can love be
So pure
So true
So present
In two people
Separated by oceans
Yet
Bonded by curiosity and imagination
Only as true as one imagines it to be
Emotions entwined with words
Words that do not fall upon ears
But rather seep through two souls
Yearning yet patient
Silent yet bold
All sense of self seems to unfold
As I gravitate towards you
In a desperate attempt to make you mine
A gift that I long for you to give to me
The emotional can only take one so far
Drowing in dreams and fantasies
Hoping you'd save me
Or atleast come with me